A Not So Hot Début - My Second Attempt to Set the Record Straight

A bit vague, semi-stalkerish, unsuccessful. Allow me to put a bit more of myself out there in hopes of explaining why I'm here.

If A > B and B > C, then A > C. Logic. It's what I know and often how I think. While I realize this is part of me, my identity/personality, I also would like to expand myself as a person.

Truth be told the entire "who is she" question is one that I personally know the answer to. I've posted a response to her on her blog. I doubt she will return, but I'm not about to contact her at the moment either. Although I could.

Why?

Because the timing isn't right.

"It will never be right if you don't ever try."

I will. At the moment we are in different states, and I am looking to pursue professional goals that do not yield the type of liberty with which I hope to possess when I contact her. Which is why I'm waiting.

Why is this person special? She's rare. Probably one of the most intelligent people I've ever spoken to; for all of a few minutes and brief conversations at least. She's extremely attractive, a brilliant writer, exceptionally spicy, quick and humorous with remarks. She enticed my senses fully and I wish I would have told her so when I had the chance. I didn't. And now it has passed.

With the current state my life is in at the moment, I'm looking to stretch myself in different ways. Physically, mentally and professionally. We'd all like to be able to do everything we set out to, each and every day. But time doesn't always allow for this. Which is what this window of time is for.

I'd like to better myself for me. For her too, but mostly for me. Have you ever crushed on someone, in the process exceeding your own personal limitations with the prospect of romance in mind? On the court, knowing your crush was watching, running harder, playing harder? Maybe in class, doing more homework so your remarks were purposeful and intelligent? I feel it's no different here. While contacting her is something I would like to do, and will do in the future, holding her in limbo just out of my reach will allow me to better myself more than I could do alone. So I am.

If it pans out, sweet! No, scratch that. HELL YES! Corny. That indescribable moment where doubt meets certainty, fear resides, failure flies, and joy pulses in your chest. Decent. Onward.

I have the window of time. I know how to contact her, why is it necessary for this blog?

I'M SORRY. I'M TOTALLY, A FOOL FOR LOVE STORIES.

I admit. I want chance. I want luck. I want storybook. Letting life take me by the testicles. I've always played it safe, done what was "socially right". College, jobs, sports, student council, white shirt, pressed, tie, khakis, dress shoes. I want to just walk into life one day sporting a tie die shirt with 7 year old goodwill pants, flip-flops and my hair styled like a Japanese pop star.

I guess I could contact her, but that would be a tad weird.

Hi, knew you about a year ago. You're the wittiest, smartest person I've ever met. I think you're extremely attractive. You're pretty fucking hilarious too! Would you let me buy you a drink sometime?

*THINK BUZZER AT THE END OF A GAME*
EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, and visions of a semi-truck banging into a 7 foot thick steel wall come to mind. Head, windshield, splat. Truck rolling back. Not pretty.

So I'm going to wait around a year. Go wild. Be a Diva. Get Emo. Get drunk, get ripped. Get back on track and find out other things that I value in life. Find myself. And hopefully at around the same time, she'll somehow mosey over to this site and not feel as intimidated when I ask her out for a drink, or a bite.

I truly feel that at that point it will be a win-win-win situation regardless. Romance, friendship, restraining order. Either way, I'll be a better person.

So there you have it folks, a bit of self-empowerment, a bit of longing, a swig of insanity, mixed together in some random goop that I'm molding to bake in the oven of life.

More about me and my mental problems in a later post!